Broadway Karkat
by Crimson Writer Knight
Summary: Part one to the broadway homestuck series. Last time we saw this series, Karkat is alone and is searching for his friends. And has to make his way in the world.


(Curtains open and Karkat is standing center stage.)

(First song (Not much of a song.): Troll spice.)

Karkat: Hi again idiots, Look at your patron troll and back at me and back to your patron troll and now back to me. Sadly your patron troll** isn't** me. But if your patron troll stopped looking inside the box and added a little sparkle and Ritz to their mundane existence like I did they could possibly be like me. Broadway Karkat! Look down! Back up! Where are we? We are set on troll phantom of the opera with the fabulous patron troll your ordinary patron troll could have been like! What is in your hand? Back at me! I have it fuck ass! Its two blue ray DVD's of that nick cage movie you love! Look again! The movies are now grist! Everything is possible when your patron troll keeps calm and uses his jazz hands! I'm in a bucket! (Giant bucket prop drops on him.) Doot de doot doot doot do do do! (Pounds and right side of bucket prop.)

(Part ends.)

(Scene one: street corner.)

(Door to building opens and Karkat is thrown out of the door.)

Manager of building: And stay out!

Karkat: OK OK! GEEZ!

(Kicks stone.)

Karkat: GOD DAMMIT THAT WAS THE FIFTH JOB THIS MONTH!

(Karkat sighs, strolls towards the café and looks at sign in window.)

Karkat (Reads sign.): Help wanted…..

(Scene two: Inside café.)

Waitress (Hands uniform): Welcome to the job, Mr. Vantas. Remember employees aren't allowed to sing at the karaoke stage and you have to sing while serving the customers!

(Karkat's uniform is on and he is serving a customer.)

Karkat (Singing.): What do you want!

(Karkat listens to order and writes it down on a note pad.)

(A spotlight shines on Karkat (Red spotlight.) and the Girl at karaoke (blue spotlight.)

Girl at karaoke (Singing off loudly and off tune): Listen up y'all 'cause this is it! The beat that I'm bangin' is delicious! Fergalicious definition: Make them boys go loco. They want my treasure, So they get their pleasures from my photo!

(Karkat has an annoyed expression and goes to the person at karaoke.)

Karkat: Can you please stop singing!

Girl at karaoke: But I'm amazing!

Karkat: I can do better, bitch.

Girl at karaoke: I'd like to see you try!

(Song two: Karkalicious.)

Karkat: four, three, two, FUCK YOU!

Karkat: Listen up y'all this shit is ironic, Striders beats are best suited to trolls hooked on phonics!

Karkat: Karkalicious definition: Makes Terezi loco. She wants to know the secrets that she can't taste in my photo. Dyin just to know the flavor I ain't doin HER no favors! No reasons why I tease her flush just comes and goes like seasons.

Karkat: I'm Karkalicious (So delicious.) No, I don't do kismesis and if you read any fanfic's all that shit is fictitious.

Karkat: I blow kisses (Mwah) don't matter if were just moirails, trolls be linin down the veil for a chance to fill a pail. So delicious (Super sweet.) So delicious (Fucking adorabloodthirsy) So delicious (Even Egbert wants a piece of me. I'm Karkalicious l-l-l-l-like candy, candy.

Karkat: Karkalicious def.-…. Karkalicious def.-….. God dammit who's fucking around with my mic-…. Karkalicious definition: Makes the shippers crazy. Nepeta's always squealing cutesy nick names like Karkitty. I'm the K to the A to the R, K the A the T. And a MAJORITY of pairings better include me.

Karkat: I'm Karkalicious (So delicious.) My body stays vicious. All the high bloods feeling nervous cuz I'm doing some fitness. Zahhak's my witness (*whistle*) hope that ship curls Nepeta's tail, and he'll be needing all the towels cuz Imma make him sweat pails.

Karkat: So delicious (Super sweet.) So delicious (Fucking adorabloodthirsy) so delicious (Even Egbert wants a piece of me. I'm Karkalicious, now you nooksuckers hold the fuck up. Check it out. Baby, Baby, Baby if you really want me. Honey get some patience maybe then you'll get a taste. I'm so tasty, tasty. I'll be laced with lacey. It'll make you crazy**. T to the A to the S, T, E, Y fucking tasty (2x) **To the D to the E to the L, I, C, I, O, U, S to the D to the E to the to the I'll just spell it out for ya.

Karkat: All the time I turn around trolls gather round always sniffing at me wanna guess the color of my blood. I just wanna say it I'm not trying to round up any drama little fucker I just don't want you to know. And I guess I'm coming off as just a little insecure although I keep repeating how the secret's fucking awesome. But I'm trying to tell It's a secret that I don't wanna tell (Terezi say's I smell delicious.)

Karkat: No, I don't do kismesis and if you read any fanfic's all that shit is fictitious. I blow kisses (Mwah) don't matter if were just moirails, trolls be linin down the veil for a chance to fill a pail. Four, three, two, FUCK YOU! My body stay's vicious Zahhak's been feeling nervous cuz I got down to business. Nepeta's my witness (Meow) I'll even let her first ship sail just watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail.

Karkat: So delicious (Eridan see) so delicious (You can trust me) so delicious (I'll help you be.) I'm Karkalicious l-l-l-l-like candy, candy. So delicious **(Aye, aye, aye, aye (3x))** She says my blood is like Candy, Candy. **T to the A to the S, T, E, Y fucking tasty (3x) **T to the A to the to the to the to the… To the D to the E to the L, I, C, I, O, U, S Now wait just a motherfucking second.

Karkat (Not singing): Do I seriously have to spell this shit until the very end of the song? I mean seriously whoever WROTE the original never had access to spell check I guess because TASTEY does not spell tasty!

Karkat: Does this fergie douchemuffin illiterate or something?

Karkat: What do you mean rap artists are the only ones brave enough to write their own grammatical train wrecks and call it music!? What the fuck even is will smith even doing?

Karkat: Doesn't throw down sixth fires anymore!? Fuck this shit I quit.

(End song.)

Manager (Angry.): Mr. Vantas.

Karkat: Oh shit…

Manager: You are a good singer, but that doesn't excuse the rule that you aren't allowed to karaoke and were rude to a customer.

Girl at karaoke: It's ok. Actually I think he did a good job singing even though he insulted me.

Manager (To Karkat): If you don't want to be fired get back to work. And I think I just might have to change the rule involving the karaoke machine.

(Karkat goes back to serving the customers.)

(scene three: The next month: Recording studio.)

(Song three: Cooler than me (Karkat and Dave.) **{Authors note: I love the original version of this song!}**)

Dave: If I could write you a song to make you fall in love I could already have you up under my arm. I used up all of my tricks I hope that you like this but you probably won't you think you're cooler than me.

Karkat: You use designer shades just to hide your face and you wear them around like your cooler than me. And you never say "Hey" or "Remember my name" And it's probably cause you think you're cooler than me.

(Music break.)

Karkat: Look at this felt suit and the tie 'round your neck you're a poser for sure and it ain't cool. Mirror shades don't shield you at all. I can see right to your core. I got you all figured out you need everyone's eyes just to feel seen. Behind your façade, you're afraid to be judged but you judge everyone. Is your pedestal fun.

Dave: If I could write you a song to make you fall in love I could already have you up under my arm. I used up all of my tricks I hope that you like this but you probably won't you think you're cooler than me.

Karkat: You use designer shades just to hide your face and you wear them around like your cooler than me. And you never say "Hey" or "Remember my name" And it's probably cause you think you're cooler than me.

Dave: Your full of anger really nothing else and on my planet you're called a midget. And how are you supposed to be a fierce troll. If you're horns are one inch long. I got you all figured out. You act like you're a man but you're a pussy. Your insecurity reeks across the room. And how can I see who you're really meant to be?

Both: And it sure seems you got no doubts. And we both see you've got this quadrant picked out.

Both: If I could write you a song to make you fall in love I could already have you up under my arm. I used up all of my tricks I hope that you like this but you probably won't you think you're cooler than me.

Karkat: You use designer shades just to hide your face and you wear them around like your cooler than me.

Both: And you never say "Hey" or "Remember my name" And it's probably cause you think you're cooler than me.

(Song ends.)

Dave: Karkat, how did you even get the chance to get a record deal.

Karkat: I was working as a waiter at the melody diner down the street and I was doing karaoke and it turns out some producer was there and he heard me sing, three weeks ago.

Music producer: Ok. This recording was really good. If you two keep going like this the whole album will be finished in a couple of weeks. You may go home now.

(Scene two: Apartment.)

Relater: Mr. Vantas you should be aware that 20 other people are renting parts of this apartment along with you!

(Next scene main living room.)

(Tavros is in front of one of the TV's (There are four by the way), Roxy is on the table drinking a bottle of vodka, Jade and Jane are on one of the 8 couches, Dirk and Dave are on one of the couches, Nepeta and Equius are on a couch, Sollux is in a reclining chair with his computer, Vriska is asleep on a couch while at the other end is Aradia, Terezi is on a chair, while Rose and Kanaya are having a conversation on one of the couches, Eridan and feferi are on a couch and Eridan is trying to get feferi back (Failing by the way.), Gamzee is kneeling beside a coffee table face first in sorpor pie and John and jade are on a couch.)

Terezi: Karkles you're back!

Gamzee (Lift's face from pie.): Welcome back best friend.

Sollux (Looks up from computer.): Iit'th about tiime you got here.

(All eyes are on Karkat.)

Karkat: Can someone explain to me why, Terezi is wearing a judges robe, why Aradia is covered with grease while the Jane human is covered with… flour? And… Is that a bull whip?

Jake (Pulls out bull whip.): Yes it is!

(Whips couch causing it to rip.)

Karkat: Can someone explain what's going on?!

Terezi: Well let's start with me.

(Intermission.)


End file.
